Want to Give with Love?
GIFT your Friends & Family members or anyone in in need of grief support some of my favorite books
“How can I Helped my...
friend? family? loved one?
Provide the Love & Support to Anyone that is Grieving.
Here's how...
5 Ways to provide Love & Support to Grievers
01.
Acknowledge the Truth.
In my own two separate grief experiences and in years of coaching, EACH grief experience is different and EACH has its own level of pain. By acknowledging that grief blows, you will connect deeper than to saying something unhelpful see #2. When a griever is stuck in the cloud of grief, having someone say "I can't imagine" or "I'm here" is more meaningful and honest to the griever. There is no point to in trying to smooth over the situation. Just be real and acknowledge the truth, that this sh*t blows.
02.
Don't try to Sugar Coat it
What does that mean? When a friend, family member is grieving a loved one. In the best of all intentions, someone will saying something unhelpful, such as "Only God knows why this happened" or "Be Strong." Here is the thing, grief is an overwhelming feelings of emotional loss. Trying to make them feel better actually makes a grief feel as if their grief isn't real and yet their grief is real. If you really want to provide some comfort, imagine for yourself what it must feel like to loose someone you love deeply and give love and support from that place. If you are unable to imagine something like that for you, then acknowledge what is and say: "I can't imagine" because that is truthful and your friend and family member will appreciate you for it and for the love of God don't be that asshole that says "Oh get over it already." You don't t get over grief, hence why this website is called "Grieve & Live" and no you don't get over grief.
03.
Be Present & Hold Space
The reality is that no matter what you've experienced in your life, it is hard to imagine what it feels like to have a loved one die. Be honest about that and be present with your friend. Being present means being present with whatever emotions come up for them. Sometimes that means being there when they cry. Sometimes that means sitting in silence and letting them vent out their anger. Sometimes it means just sitting there as they release all that comes up, knowing all you need to do is hold space. Your sheer presence of being there as they release their emotions will show your support vs. telling them some useless comment such as "Don't cry". Think about it, a loved one just died and you're saying "Don't Cry" now how does that make sense? Crying is a natural release of emotions, it is OK to cry. It is natural to feel angry. Whatever is being felt by who you are supporting is OK and it is Ok to be present with what emotions come up for a love one.
04.
Check in
This comment is tricky but I say it with love and respect. Here's what most friends tell a griever: "If you need anything, let me know." While you may mean it well intentioned, that comment is actually confusing and not helpful. Here is why: when a griever looses a loved one, their brain is mush. A griever is trying to make sense of this new reality, this new and painful reality that a loved on will no longer be physically around. The new reality of trying to understand the timing of the loss and the new reality of not knowing what to do with the overwhelming feelings of emotions, the overwhelming feelings of Grief. So when you kindly say "let me know if you need anything" you are actually adding one more thing to the Griever's plate and that only adds to the intensity and overwhelming feelings of Grief. So rather than put one more thing on the Griever's mind, say "Do you mind if I check in with you from time to time?" and Check In. Checking in can be simply "Hey, I'm thinking of you." Or "How are you feeling?" you will be amaze at how your genuine interest in them will allow the griever to feel safe and cared for. Check In.
05.
Provide Resources with Love & Care
We're not born knowing how to support grief for ourselves or others. No one is born knowing how to handle grief (that would actually be kind of weird when you think about it) and yet I remember having some sort of expectation that I should know how to handle grief. That idea still makes me chuckle. Everyone have their own unique experience and over time you will notice or even feel the pain of the Griever. You may even that you should do something about their grief, although you may not feel that you are not equipped to handle their loss. That is OK. If you do Steps #1 - #4 you will be lightyears ahead compared to others who really say f*cked up sh*t to grievers. But if you really want to do something and give something, you can always provide this website, have them sign up for the email grief support or even purchase any of my favorite grief books that supported me in my grief journey. One of my best friends grifted me this book with a beautiful and thoughtful note that said "I'm not sure what you're going through through but the reviews on this book makes me think that it will help" I truly appreciated the gesture and thoughtful support. Sometimes grief support is really as simile as that.
Check out some of my all time favorite books that helped me in my grief journey and gift to your friend and family member today!